Frustrated and Angry

Warning: This is a work of fiction. It's born of frustration and anger. It is GRAPHIC. It is horrible and disturbing. It is a way for me to work out some frustrations I am currently having, nothing more. If you are under 18, or easily offended or weak of stomach I do not suggest you read this.












Life is not fair. You hear this all the time growing up. As you get older, you learn it very quickly. The problem isn't that life isn't fair. The problem is that life isn't fair immediately, or in ways that we can always understand.

Thirty four years I have spent my life being ugly and passed over. A good person, who can not find love. I watch as assholes with abs and a big dick, who ARE big dicks, get to fuck all the girls I wish I could have. They get to make money and be popular and have people listen to them simply by virtue of good genetics and the fact that they spend a good portion of their time going to the gym. It doesn't matter that inside these beautiful fucks rot. It doesn't matter that they lie cheat and steal. Nothing matters to the pretty little giggly hottie clinging to his arm and hanging off his every stupid mindless word.

Later he's going to go home with her. They are both going to get drunk and high, and she's going to worship him, in all those filthy earthly ways that I can only dream of. That I watch on YouPorn.

I look at him, in his football jersey, deifying Tom Brady, and professing his manly addiction to modern day gladiatorial events. He even kinda looks like Tom Brady. I'm quite sure he plays some sport and gets lots of points and the girl on his arm adores him for his amazing talents. I'm very sure she obsesses about him when he's not around, and gives him everything, this empty stupid fuck, who couldn't give two shits around her but for when he needs to get his dick off.

He's in Spencers with her. Telling her some inane story about drinking, and how awesome he was. She's half looking while picking out pretty panties with Playboy bunny logos on them, no doubt to model for him later.

I'm angry and I hate him. I fucking despise him, and a life that allows this waste of human flesh to live. To get all the fucking rewards while I suffer, alone, in a hell that wouldn't even have the pretty little bimbo beside him giving me a second glance. Me all fat and scruffy. With my hair cut short, to scratch at the chicken pox I've just gotten over. Still covered in little sores. I'm 300lbs, my gut still hangs over my pants. I wear a baggy grey "Big Dog"  sweat shirt my gay uncle bought me, lazily picking out stylish clothing for me I wouldn't think to buy in a million years. Because I don't know what stylish is, and to be honest I couldn't give more than half a fuck about it anyway. The world is an empty cover of the book judgement kind of place. The rage boils inside me, my thin lips pull back in a snarl. I look stupid and angry, my light blue eyes BURN behind my broken glasses. Both sides taped up, and I'm sure making me look even more poor and stupid to both those handsome and lovely young college kids near me.

I shove by the jock, bumping into him rudely as I move by. Just forcing a confrontation. My fists are balled up loosely, but he won't notice. A guy like me, he is used to walking all over. I'm fat and ugly, one of the stupid people who gets to be the beta to his effortless alpha. But not today. No, today things will be different.. Today, I'm going to make a stupid decision. Today I'm going to make the quick and easy choice. The pleasure for now, fuck the later choice that everyone else always enjoys. I'm letting the frustration out of the bottle. Today I'm going to fucking snap.

Of course he's in front of his girlfriend, so he can't let some 5 like me show him up. It's a given he has to say something. "Hey Asshole!  Watch where you're going.." He shoves me in the back hard. I can feel his hands, his muscles rippling as he shoves me forward and I'm pushed off balance and into the rack of bongs and glass beer tankards in front of me. The metal wire rack that holds everything up rattles hard, displays shake and a couple of the tankards fall over and thump onto the floor. Alpha's girl friend turns around, a more interesting distraction suddenly taking place. Her man, her wonderful sexy big alpha is asserting his dominance over some fatso who doesn't know his place. She just stares at me with a sick fascination, like some one checking out a particularly ugly bug they found buzzing around the light on the porch.

"Pick that shit up Tubby." He tells me with the self assurance of some one used to winning fights and being listened to. The biggest and toughest in the pack, always obeyed, rarely challenged. His pretty little girlfriend lets out a titter watching me silently, nothing but disgust in her eyes. I've dealt with guys like this all my life. I can't begin to explain how many times people have tested their metal against me, challenging me with words, showing how big and tough they are, belittling me and my faults openly. I'm sure he's probably getting a bit of a stiffy from this, being the big man. I'm sure his girlfriend is getting turned on, that she'll fuck him later and talk about how stupid I was and how hot he was showing me my place. Words like this just bounce off me know. I know what they are. The weakness of a little man, trying to wound me, and feel better about himself. If I turn around with hurt and pain in my eyes, I'll only see glee and gloating, self satisfaction. Guys like this are vampires, sucking up every ounce of hurt and making himself feel stronger.

Today is different though. I say nothing. My back tenses. I just bend down to pick up the heavy glass boot, that jocks like this chug beer out of until they are in a black out stupor. Just another stupid choice he'll make and enjoy the whole time, consequences be damned. Today is MY day to act on impulse. Today is MY day to just let go, to let the monster out of the cage. The id I've kept locked away all my life. The Hyde to my Dr. Jeckle. I grip the boot around the drinking end, the long rounded toe out as I spin around suddenly. I slam the side of the thick glass into his head before he even has a chance to react. He's big and strong, and been in fights before, even caught off guard, even as his temple bleeds and his stupid green eyes reel, his fists ball up and he shoves me back in surprise to get me away from him and collect himself. His girlfriend lets out a startled squeek and backs up bumping her pretty little ass with the word "Juicey" printed across her boyshots, into the display of panties behind her.

The jock touches his face lightly, blood and a big bruise starting to form. "You Mother FUCKER!" he snarls. People in the store start turning towards us, attracted by the shouting and rough interaction.  He charges right into me, obviously a football player. His arms wrap around my waist and he shoves my back into the hard metal of the display behind me hard. I grunt and just smile. He ball both my hands over my head and drop them down in an axe handle right onto his spine. I can feel it. Those jagged bones cutting into the meat of the side of my palm, his chest cavity makes a hollow thumping sound and he WOOFs with his head beside mine. He wasn't ready for me to put up a fight. I'm tough. I'm angry. I've been working construction for years, and I can take a hit. I've taken LOTS of them all through the years. I can't count the times I've bit, hit battered and bruised in the course of working concrete, furniture delivery, mason tending. The pain I've worked through. I won't lie, it  hurts, I can feel my ribs sag, the famliar painful creek of bone giving as they fracture from the impact. But I'll live, and this guy is going to pay. Today I'm going to break him.

All I can think about is Fight Club, and Ed Nortin's dialogue as he beats up the pretty blonde bus boy. How he want's to break something beautiful. How good it feels. I agree. Today I'm going to wreck this handsome blond bastard. Today I'm going to hurt him bad. Today I'm not going to care until his girlfriend is crying. Until cops have come and drag me the fuck off him. I decide I want to make him feel the pain I'm feeling. I slam both my fists down into the sides of his ribs hard. I put all the force I can muster into it. He lets out a guttural "UNNNNnnnnnnggghh!!" under my arm and trys to pull back and away from me. I let him. Expecting this, expecting him to be unused to this kind of pain. Unused to really getting hurt. I lift my leg and shove my knee towards his stomach and ribs. He's ready for this, his arms in the way pushing it off, trying to grab me around the leg and hold me off balance as he backs up. He's pissed now and I know he's going to try to break my leg, by putting his weight down on it. I won't allow that though. I bring the boot down on top of his head, right into the side of it, and it shatters in my hand, cutting it, but cutting the side of his head worse. He falls foreward and I twist and fall with him so his weight can snap the thigh bone of my leg. I feel it flex. There's a sick feeling in my stomach as it flip flops, my body knowing it's about to give. But I'm lucky, and close, falling down with him so he can't snap it. I wretch a little as he makes shouts in coherently  up at me. "You fuck! YOU STUPID FUCK!" he's snarling at me as blood runs down the side of his face. He's getting to his feet quickly while I sit on my ass in a vulnerable position. I roll away quickly and into the group of people that have gathered around us. Into their legs before he can kick me in the jaw with his sneaker. Instead he kicks me in the back of the thigh. It hurts. There's a charley horse, but I know it had to hurt his toe in those soft shoes.. and sure enough he's favoring his other foot as he push a couple of people out of my way as I stand, favoring my good foot as well. He's coming in for a punch to the face, he wants to end this quickly. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the counter girl calling for the cops. I see a few people running out of the store, presumably going to get the mall cops. I don't care. I've been preparing for this.

The punch comes in as expected, a strait forward hard right jab. I knock it aside with the twist of my right wrist, quickly trap it with my left hand pushing it aside more and leaning in for a hard right punch to his face. I do this in a smooth motion. Something a black belt friend of mine once showed me. At the same time I bring my heel down on his toes. I lean into him and start to punch him in  his sensitive ribs. This fight is over. He over committed and was not even close to ready for the pop to the jaw. I can see his eyes water up, turning red and startled. He realizes by the intense and totally pissed look in my eyes there's no reasoning in me. I see true fear in his face, and that makes me laugh. I laugh hard, as I punch this guy's ribs in, with fists that feel like cement blocks. Brue Lee tells us to punch with loose open fists and collapse them at the last moment on impact. It's important to punch THROUGH your target to get the most of the power and speed. I've been practicing this for awhile on a punching bag in my basement. I'm pleasantly surprised to find it feels much better on human ribs. They cave in under my fists, he simply groans and falls to his knees, All the fight out of him now. His girlfriend is screaming now. Yelling at me to stop. I can barely hear her as I just knee him in the jaw. The impact makes a sickening noise. It's sort of like a dull thock sound, and his jaw juts to the side at a weird angle. His eyes roll up in his head and I grip him by the hair and shove him too the floor  in front of me. My body aches in several places as I step over him and towards his stupid pretty girlfriend.  I slap her across the cheek hard. It's a satisfying sound, it feels good as I make firm contact with the meet of my palm. Her cheek instantly flares red.  "Shut up. Shut the fuck up." I snarl at her, my teeth gritted. Her eyes water, and that mask of the strong pretty girl used to getting her way just falls away. All I see now is a frightened and sad little girl. She begins to bawl like I'm sure she did when her Daddy really punished her for being a mean stupid little bitch. My slap bringing her right back there. All her self righteous, holier than thou attitude completely gone. She just falls to her knees and crawls over to her broken and bloody boyfriend.

Nothing has been solved here. No one has learned their lessons. This is just violence. My fists are bloody, my body aches, and people stare at me in mute horror. I have become a monster, a frankenstein. There are no claps or cheers, there's nothing but whispered words and fertative looks as the mall cops come and put me in cuffs behind my back. I make no struggle. I don't care, about the consequences.

Today is my day to to stupid and get my immediate reward. Today is my day to just be a dick and do what I want. Today is my day.